My body when I was pregnant

My body allowed to nurture a baby to life. I was able to nourish a miracle baby within my womb. My body provided nutrients to allow an innocent being grow to a healthy little. I had to surrender my perceived control of what I thought I should eat or drink, I followed my intuition to eat healthy foods that were filled with nutrients in order to provide nutrition. My body was a vessel for a miracle to grow from a small pea to a full grown healthy 8lb 11 oz baby boy.
God, please remind me everyday that this little boy, now 11 years old, that he still needs me. He needs me in a different way and I need to nourish myself like I did back then.  

If there was a song about your life, what would it be called?

If there were a song about your life, what would it be called?

“The Many Masks I wear”

There are many masks that I wear in my every day life. With each person I relate to, with each event I encounter; there seems to be a personality, a face, an attitude that I bring out from behind my safe haven.
I do not think any one person in my life truly knows the “real” me… not even myself.

According to the audience, is which character is played in my life scene. If I am at a party; I can laugh, dance or talk with many people. If I am at a business function, I can converse and move according to the crowd. If I am at a family function, I can play the “happy go lucky” self that they think I am.

Unfortunately, the mask I use the most is the “fun, healthy, active, giddy” one. People do not know of the dark, alone, sad being who hides behind the healthy, happy and social mask. I have been Bulimic/Anorexic since I was in High School. The Eating Disorder world is dark, lonely, devious and destructive. It is a complex disorder. Each person has their story about why they started and how they are dealing with it.

Personally, somehow I have believed that having my ED keeps me safe from the world. This mask is hidden behind the other masks. I have mastered using this mask throughout the years; it is the thickest, strongest, and heaviest. I have used this mask since the tenth grade in high school and it has worked effectively until now. I have a seven year old little boy and a loving husband of 13 years.
I do not want to continue to wear this mask all my life. I want my son and my loved ones to see the “real” me. I want to be comfortable in my own skin and glow with a radiance that the all the masks disintegrate.

I pray one day that my song will be, “Happy to be me and Lovin’ it”!!!!