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Thursday, November 19, 2009


The fork and knife wait,
I fear.
My brain says, “no”
but my stomach cries out, “yes.”

I am a fish,
soon to be hooked by a piece of tempting bait.
For once, I have tasted
I am trapped and unable to squirm out.

The clumps of fattening particles, still sit on the plate.
with hesitance, I finally
lift the fork to my lips.
My mouth opens, and the tiny pieces
slide down my quivering throat and into the empty pit.
I cringe and anticipate the cleansing ritual.

Down below is now bloated.
What do I do with this big, round bulge?
maybe a dozen tiny, pink pills
or a finger down the throat?
I have sinned; I have fallen into temptation.
I do not deserve to indulge.

Monica Ibarra-Robbins

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Eating Disorder Defined

Throughout time, people have defined and explained Eating Disorders in a variety of ways. Yet, I think that each person has their own unique and personal definition for this complex disease. Over the many years of existing in the clutches of the “Eating Monster”, I have come to recognize that this disorder has many personalities, faces and powers. The most powerful characteristic of “my” Eating Disorder was the control aspect. I visualized a colossal, intimidating monster that held the keys to my cell door. It restricted the times of incarceration, when and how long I was let out. This monster’s face was the icon that symbolized my experience of the Eating Disorder and it dominated over my thoughts and actions. Many people may define an Eating Disorder as a clinical term or may voice a theory behind this disease. But, I defined it as a strong monstrous energy that plagued my life for twenty-seven years.I am hopeful for day of freedom; to breathe, speak, think and feel as I believe to be right.
Monica Ibarra-Robbins