The Game

She thought that this destructive behavior was a game.
Or was it a way to survive through daily life?
Or was there some trauma or strife?
She knows, there is no one to fault, no one to blame.”

It crumbles her confidence
It keeps her quiet
It depletes her strength.

Someday….she will realize that she was destined to create.
She will choose to connect with her creative vibration,
She will look for signs to grant her inspiration.
She will choose to no longer self medicate.

She will make a decision.
She will trust the process.
She will care for her self.

Her question will no longer be,
“Why do I keep spinning on this vicious, destructive wheel?”
Instead, it will be,
“How does one truly heal?”

She will acknowledge.
She will feel.
She will release.

Her nurturing coaches will guide her into action towards a healthy path.
Slowly her mind awareness will increase,
her body and spirit will sense a beautiful inner peace.
No longer guilt, no longer terrorized of anyone’s wrath.

They will help her accept change.
They will help her embrace the present.
They will help her anticipate the future.

If there was a song about your life, what would it be called?

If there were a song about your life, what would it be called?

“The Many Masks I wear”

There are many masks that I wear in my every day life. With each person I relate to, with each event I encounter; there seems to be a personality, a face, an attitude that I bring out from behind my safe haven.
I do not think any one person in my life truly knows the “real” me… not even myself.

According to the audience, is which character is played in my life scene. If I am at a party; I can laugh, dance or talk with many people. If I am at a business function, I can converse and move according to the crowd. If I am at a family function, I can play the “happy go lucky” self that they think I am.

Unfortunately, the mask I use the most is the “fun, healthy, active, giddy” one. People do not know of the dark, alone, sad being who hides behind the healthy, happy and social mask. I have been Bulimic/Anorexic since I was in High School. The Eating Disorder world is dark, lonely, devious and destructive. It is a complex disorder. Each person has their story about why they started and how they are dealing with it.

Personally, somehow I have believed that having my ED keeps me safe from the world. This mask is hidden behind the other masks. I have mastered using this mask throughout the years; it is the thickest, strongest, and heaviest. I have used this mask since the tenth grade in high school and it has worked effectively until now. I have a seven year old little boy and a loving husband of 13 years.
I do not want to continue to wear this mask all my life. I want my son and my loved ones to see the “real” me. I want to be comfortable in my own skin and glow with a radiance that the all the masks disintegrate.

I pray one day that my song will be, “Happy to be me and Lovin’ it”!!!!

If there is Faith, there is Hope

Before we take our first breath of air and before our first cry,
our life paths have been paved.
No matter what road we select,
our chosen destiny awaits us.
For some, the journey is long.
They may fall into darkness
or they may encounter great obstacles.
Yet, there is always hope, if one has faith.

I was on a road, without a compass or a guide
I was not in tune with myself or anyone else.
My surroundings appeared bleak and alone,
until, someone reached out!
That someone shared something
and that something
was a caring, loving and giving heart.
There is always hope, if one has faith.

I am also thankful for the people
who have come to visit me on my path of life.
Some have crossed it, some have visited it
and there are others who have become
a big part of it and of me.
They are all part of my journey.
There is always hope, if one has faith.


Consequently, through my travels and through my experiences,
I am learning how to lead and connect with the heart.
The connection that occurs between one and another
a personal and spiritual level.
Now I know,
that to create a wholehearted unity
is what completes me and others.
I have faith and now I have hope.

YOU are one of those connections which is a life time one:>

Papa Jay sets Sail

My dear Papa Jay, my father-in-law

passed away on the blessed day of Easter Sunday.

God chose a sacred day for a special man.

As Jesus rose from the dead along time ago,

Papa also rose from his bed up to the Heavens.



Since April 2000, I had been carrying a cross of sadness and grief

my dear Papa’s death left me with the feeling of great loss.

In the depths of my weakened heart,

I buried my sorrow

for the absence of his physical body

at the counter eating his daily meals

or watching TV in his recliner chair.

The absence of hearing his boisterous voice

preparing to harass me and expect a gentle, fun retaliation.

The absence of his animated energy and desire to have pure fun!



These intense, upsetting emotions were never felt or expressed

until, a caring, loving gentleman suggested to read

a chapter in his book, called, “Tall Ships”.

Trusting his words, I opened up the book and soon found

it was about the loss of his Uncle Bill

I wept and wept more.



As my mournful filled tears soaked the pages,

I questioned my sadness.

Was it for the death of Uncle Bill

or was it for my own personal loss?

I knew a lesson, a transformation would occur

and a profound awareness did transpire.


We all have our special time with other human beings.

We meet, we experience

We love

We embrace the miraculous connection with another.



Inevitably, we must all discard out physical bodies

and move onto to another realm of existence.

Although, it is the most difficult position to be in

there are the loved ones who are left on Earth.

These living and breathing beings

need to remember that we have sacred memories imprinted in our minds.


God blessed us with the gift of Life.

Our time is limited

and we must

live, love and appreciate

each New Day.

Celebrate and embrace

each New sunrise

and give thanks

for each sunset.



So, I have learned that although Papa Jays’ body is gone

His memory lives in, around and through me.

As Uncle Bill is sailing his Tall Ship with God

so is my Dear sweet Papa Jay.

I pray for God’s vision to enlighten me

to see Papa Jay enjoying the warm breeze and bright sun.


By,

Monica Ibarra-Robbins

03/29/05