My Soul Needs a Home

My soul needs a home
it wanders without direction
it floats without a rutter.
Only adrift,
moving with each gust of wind,
back and forth, any which way.
No one taking command, no one at the helm.
Loneliness and hopelessness are the only ones that steer it.

My soul needs to feel at peace.
The cry for safety and comfort echo
As the cold, salty tear drops flow out.
My voice box aches from strain,
as the silent screams reverberate.
Hoping, but never finding the way
I keep looking for the light that may illuminate the road to peace.
Yet, negativity and confusion darkens my path.

My soul longs for unconditional love.
Where is it? Who is it? And how is it found?
So many questions, but no one to answer them.
My doubts and fears do not fade,
they only accumulate, creating a dense cloud.
When and how will I know the positive path to peace?
Isolation and naivety drowns me.

My soul longs for forgiveness
Please Lord, cleanse me of my dark and gloomy past.
Although, I am undeserving of good and honest love,
Please, give me another chance to prove myself to You.
Bless me from up above
May the Holy Spirit enter my decomposed soul
so, I may live, breathe and funnel the majestic energy.
I will spread and transfer this blessing to others.
Aliveness and joy will emanate from my entire being.
by Monica Ibarra-Robbins

This lifetime I have learned that rebellions, do not get anywhere. To be rebellious creates negative energy; it is action without thought, which usually results in getting oneself into trouble.
Instead of turning my back on my parents, going at life with blinders on my eyes and spikes on my body – I could have opened my heart and my mouth to communicate with them. Accepting and trying to understand where they were, rather than being a self- centered teenager.
*** I wanted to be understood, yet did not want to understand them. My lesson is to understand them. My lesson is to have my heart and eyes open to whom I am around- be open to the person and the situation. Each person has a different background, culture, views and opinions. **My mission is to understand them and then I can better be understood. We all affect each other, so I need to work with people, not against them.
By Monica Ibarra-Robbins

WHat I learned over the life times

What I have learned over the life times= is laughter and a sense of humor can break any walls/mask that people may put up. If we take people and situations too seriously, it only causes stress, and pushes us further from the chance to connect with one another. The light heartedness takes us back to the naïve child, the one who merely wants to have a good time with anyone. The laughter reconnects our fragile/frayed threads that long to bond together as humans who seek the touch.
By breaking down the solid, cold walls of attitude, judgment or isolation. It allows to admit to the reality-We are all the same…all human beings.


By
Monica Ibarra-Robbins

Temptations

The fork and knife wait,
I fear.
My brain says, “no”
but my stomach cries out, “yes.”

I am a fish,
soon to be hooked by a piece of tempting bait.
For once, I have tasted
I am trapped and unable to squirm out.

The clumps of fattening particles, still sit on the plate.
with hesitance, I finally
lift the fork to my lips.
My mouth opens, and the tiny pieces
slide down my quivering throat and into the empty pit.
I cringe and anticipate the cleansing ritual.

Down below is now bloated.
What do I do with this big, round bulge?
maybe a dozen tiny, pink pills
or a finger down the throat?
I have sinned; I have fallen into temptation.
I do not deserve to indulge.

By
Monica Ibarra-Robbins

Eating Disorder Defined

Throughout time, people have defined and explained Eating Disorders in a variety of ways. Yet, I think that each person has their own unique and personal definition for this complex disease. Over the many years of existing in the clutches of the “Eating Monster”, I have come to recognize that this disorder has many personalities, faces and powers. The most powerful characteristic of “my” Eating Disorder was the control aspect. I visualized a colossal, intimidating monster that held the keys to my cell door. It restricted the times of incarceration, when and how long I was let out. This monster’s face was the icon that symbolized my experience of the Eating Disorder and it dominated over my thoughts and actions. Many people may define an Eating Disorder as a clinical term or may voice a theory behind this disease. But, I defined it as a strong monstrous energy that plagued my life for twenty-seven years.I am hopeful for day of freedom; to breathe, speak, think and feel as I believe to be right.
By
Monica Ibarra-Robbins

The Voice

In the beginning, I suffered from a silent voice, but now I experience a surge of radiant energy.

I was taught to be quiet, meek and obedient.

No questioning.

Muffled voice. 

Then I discovered art! The process of creating helped me open my voice.

The canvas is quiet, non judgmental; the pencils are strong and bold; the lines can be small or thick, the paper is willing to take anything. The chalks love to be mixed, smoothed and blended. On a collage, the images wait to be chosen. They sit patiently as they are arranged in a manner that represents the artist’s feelings. Each one is carefully chosen to depict the happy, the angered, the hopeful or the scared one.

In the finished product, each image is aligned and positioned just as the creator wants it.

The main concept is that through art, there are no judgments, criticisms, pure freedom from any critical voices…just you and the paper, brushes, paints or pencils.

Your vibration is a reflection of what your spirit is made up of. Let it reverberate throughout. Let others feel and see your vibrant rays of words, images and art.

By

Monica Ibarra-Robbins

My Soul Seeks Serenity

My soul needs a home
it wanders without direction,
it floats without a rutter.
Only adrift,
moving with each gust of wind,
back and forth, any which way.
No one taking command, no one at the helm.
Loneliness is the only one that steers it.

My soul needs to feel at peace.
As the cold, salty tear drops flow out,
the cry for safety and comfort echo.
My voice box aches from strain,
as the silent screams reverberate.
Hoping, but never finding the way,
to the brilliant light that may guide me to the peaceful path.
Hopelessness and confusion darkens the road I travel.

My soul longs for unconditional love.
Where is it? Who is it? And how is it found?
So many questions, but no one to answer them.
My doubts and fears do not fade,
they only accumulate, creating a dense mound.
When and how will I know the positive path to peace?

My soul longs for forgiveness.
Please Lord, cleanse me of my dark and gloomy past.
Although, I am undeserving of good and honest love,
Please, give me another chance to prove myself to You.
Bless me from up above
May the Holy Spirit enter my decomposed soul
so, I may live, breathe and funnel your majestic energy.
I will spread and transfer this blessing to others.

By
Monica Ibarra-Robbins