My body when I was pregnant

My body allowed to nurture a baby to life. I was able to nourish a miracle baby within my womb. My body provided nutrients to allow an innocent being grow to a healthy little. I had to surrender my perceived control of what I thought I should eat or drink, I followed my intuition to eat healthy foods that were filled with nutrients in order to provide nutrition. My body was a vessel for a miracle to grow from a small pea to a full grown healthy 8lb 11 oz baby boy.
God, please remind me everyday that this little boy, now 11 years old, that he still needs me. He needs me in a different way and I need to nourish myself like I did back then.  

The Art World

My goals and dreams are to be submersed in the art world. I love everything there is about art from the paintbrush to the canvas. I want to wake up in the morning to the  smell of paints and to see my canvas in progress. I want to paint in a well lit room filled with the warm sunshine and a view of the beach. I want to be engulfed by all the art books, images and art supplies.
I want to be excited when I wake up-thinking of which color or brush stroke I will use next. I want to be excited of what emotions will surface as I am creating-and embrace the feelings.  I want to sit quietly and calmly on my art stool and wait for the art inspiration to warm over me. I want to sit in the silence and be okay, knowing that I am safe within the four colorful walls. I want to feel the smooth wooden brush in my hands, the tool that glides silky paint onto the rough canvas.
I want to wake up knowing that what I am doing is helping another person. I want to be confident that my creation will affect another viewer. I want to trust that each selected color, each selected line or image is channeled from up above and is in turn a gift to others.
I want to know that I am fulfilling the mission that God entrusted to me. I want to acknowledge that I am using each minute as a time to be in life. I want to know that I am using God's gifts and I am viewing them as precious jewels. I want to know that I am being of service to the world.

How I see Recovery

I see my days being filled with activities that contribute to the world. No longer consumed with what I will or not eat. No longer worried of how much did I eat and how can I get it out. Rather, I will live in the moment! I will be mindful of my thoughts, actions and surroundings. I will be in the present; I will notice that I am breathing, that I am following my life's purpose, that I am helping another person, that I am following what God has planned for me, that I am of worth to this physical world.
I want to rebuild the way I think, see and speak. I want to rebuild how I act in my day. I want each minute to be meaningful, for time is priceless. You can never go back, you can never experience the past the way you did the first time. You cannot stop time, it happens whether we are fully present or not. Recovery is feeling the feeling in the moment, knowing that it is present for a reason and to accept as just a feeling.
Recovery is living, rather than just existing. Thriving, rather than just surviving.
Recovery is being of service to others.
Recovery is living in love.
Recovery is living in life.

I Surrender

I Surrender

For years, I existed under the control
of the "Eating Monster".
Every day there was darkness
Every day there was fear
Every day there was anxiety
Every day went by, without me knowing it.

The battle began every time I felt hungry
My mind questioned, "Why?"
My stomach questioned, "Why not?"
Every day there was a struggle with the “ Eating Monster”.
It did not last long,
the voice inside of my mind won every time.

Yet, one day a miracle occurred.
I am not sure how it happened
or when it exactly happened.
But, I noticed that I was choosing to do other things
Somehow, the monsters’ power was not so strong
I would hear his voice
But, I was choosing not to fall in his trance.

Instead, I chose to ask God for help
He now works through me
and He gives me strength.
Now, I have allowed God to intercede in my struggle with this monster.
He calms,
quiets and soothes my soul.

I will be honest
The monster is not gone for good.
Ever so often, it comes out to prey on me
and I may tumble.
However, now there is a difference
I do not fall so hard
and I am not in the trance as long.

I have learned that alone
I was unable to fend off this "Eating Monster".
But, with His strength and wisdom
I can live and thrive, not just survive.